Along for the Ride

Since all this transplant business has started, I've had several people ask me how I'm feeling about everything.  I figured this week was a good week to tackle that topic. The short answer is... overwhelmed. Earlier this week, Mike was out bowling with his buddies, and I was home alone. I knew my mind was reeling, so I decided to distract myself with a chick flick on Netflix, but as soon as the ending credits began to roll, my mind quickly returned to its looping cycles of anxious thoughts.  So I called my mom. That's what every grown woman does during times of stress, right? Anyway, I cried. For the first time, I let it all out. My fears, my anxieties, and my emotions. So you might be wondering... But why are you crying? Aren't you happy?  You're getting close to getting a transplant! OF COURSE I am! I'm ecstatic!!! But there's also fear. I fear letting people down. I fear getting some terrible news or results from some test. I fear complications du...

Life has been positively nutty lately.  I'm finally getting around to writing an update from the last couple of weeks.  I don't love waiting this long because my memory just isn't what it used to be.  Let's see if I can get everything in here... Last Wednesday, my mom and I had another full day of testing and appointments at UTSW.  This was the last set of big tests for transplant testing.  I started the day with a nuclear stress test.  Originally, they told me that - because most dialysis patients don't feel well enough to do the treadmill stress test - I'd be doing the kind where they give you medication that causes your heart rate to increase artificially.  I thought this would be strange because I'd be sitting still, and my heart would be beating fast, as though I was doing heavy cardio. When they called the day before to give me pre-op instructions, they asked if I was able to walk on the treadmill, I told them I was, and they decided to switc...

So tomorrow I head back to UTSW for some more tests. Everything is moving and grooving, and so far my tests are coming back well. But... I'm 17 pounds away. So, it's time for the big guns. The endocrinologist is super busy, and even though I'm on the wait list, so far I haven't had any luck getting my appointment moved up from the end of August. My pre-transplant coordinator is pulling all the strings she can find to get me in earlier, though. I am doing my Weight Watchers thing, but it's slow. Really slow. I was emailing with a few folks today: my pre-transplant coordinator, my nurse, and my renal dietitian. I had been wanting to try a variation of the pre-bariatric surgery diet. You know... The one that's like 700-800 calories, almost all liquid, that helps to shrink the liver and reduce weight quickly a few weeks before bariatric surgery? Yep. That one. But I was nervous. See, on dialysis, my blood levels are a finely tuned machine. One thing gets outt...

Well, hello there! Last week on Thursday, my mom and I headed down to UTSW for another full day of tests and meetings.  The day started with an abdominal ultrasound.  That's a pretty simple test, so it was quick and painless.   After that test, my mom and I made our way over to the office building where we'd be the rest of the day.  We had breakfast in the cafe downstairs before heading up to the kidney transplant office.  The biggest part of the day would be spent in that office in a "kidney transplant orientation" class.  It started at 9am and finished up just before 1pm.  Basically, my mom and I sat at a conference table with a couple of other transplant candidates while different people cycled through the room, each giving a little presentation. I find the stories of other people fascinating.  Especially in a place like UTSW.  You see folks in the elevator, and you just know that they all have a story.  Pretty soon, these ladies...

I'm not sure what it is about Sundays, but I tend to get a bit reflective on Sunday afternoons.  Perhaps it's the preparation for the week ahead.  Perhaps it's the goal-setting and planning.  Perhaps it's the rare moment to sit back, relax, and unwind after a busy week and weekend.  Regardless, it seems like this time - these evening hours on Sundays - are when I find my mind wandering. I've always been a bit of a Pollyanna, but I have to admit that my outlook in the last few weeks has been more positive than it has been in a long, long time.  I try to stay positive most of the time, but this transplant business has really  lit a fire under my tail.  I gotta be honest.   I come from a long line of strong women, from "firm up, Mable," "put on your big girl panties," and "keep your chin up."  So I guess that tenacity, combined with my natural optimism, makes for a pretty strong "anything can happen" attitude.  So natu...

Greetings! Well, today was my first "big day" of appointments down at UTSW, so I thought I'd write up a bit of an update and overview.  The kidney transplant gears are definitely in motion!  Previously, right after my appointment with the transplant nephrologist, the transplant testing team was able to squeeze me in for an EKG, a visit with the social worker, chest X-ray, and lab work (19 vials!).  However, that was just the tip of the iceberg! Today started with a visit to the urologist.  When I was diagnosed with Wegener's back in 2011, I was placed on high doses of prednisone and Cytoxan.  Well, Cytoxan use has been shown to lead to an increased chance of developing bladder cancer.  That, combined with my personal history of urinary tract infections, alerted the transplant team, and my doctor wanted me to see the urinary specialist.  Today's visit was pretty quick, and the urologist basically confirmed that he would like me to get some scans...

I've been pondering how to write this post for a few days.  I learned long ago that - when I'm confronted with difficulty - I tend to focus on logistics and organization as a way to calm myself and deal with my emotions. Well, today I decided to dig in and talk about the elephant in the room: how I'm feeling.  Since my last post was primarily the "nuts and bolts" of the transplant, I thought I should now devote a little time to the circus that has been playing in my head in recent weeks. Right after I got the call about applying for transplant, I found myself oscillating between ecstasy and fear.  Of course I was excited to reach this next stage in my journey.  After all, I've been working for years to be a candidate for transplant. But I also felt trepidation.  See, I've been doing pretty well over these last few years.  Sure, dialysis is a total pain, but we humans are resilient beings.  We can adjust to anything.  I also recently saw an a...