The Zen of 2009-2010
As we near the end of July 2010, I feel compelled to reflect over the past year. I realize that it seems a bit strange to reflect in July. After all, January is typically the month for reflection and resolutions. But for us, July holds an important meaning. In July of 2009, my husband was laid off from his job as a graphic designer. The recession we had heard about and seen shaking our community suddenly became very personal. We found ourselves "shocked and awed" by the economy and job market, and that experience has led us to a year of greater enlightenment, personal growth, and understanding about ourselves, our marriage, and our beliefs.
I suppose I should back up and start by explaining a few things. My husband had been through layoffs before – several, in fact. Layoffs are part and parcel of working in the IT field, which he had done for years. He had always been able to find a new job quickly. His resume is impressive, and he has a very broad set of skills that make him very marketable. In fact, several of our friends had made jokes about how quickly he had always been able to find work.
I, on the other hand, was in unchartered territory. Being the child of teachers, we had been blessed with unparalleled job security while I was growing up. I don’t ever recall either of my parents being fearful of losing their jobs. As a teacher myself, I too had never had to face the grim reality of unemployment. While I wouldn’t necessarily say that I had led a charmed existence, I had never really had to struggle to get a job, and I had never been laid off.
After the initial shock wore off, we began a journey that has been incredibly difficult yet life-changing. While he still doesn’t have a job, my husband is searching every day. He’s applied for over 1200 jobs in the last year, he’s had a couple of interviews, and he’s been attending night classes at the local community college to strengthen his skills.
When most people ask about our situation, the first thing they want to know is if we’re doing ok financially. The short answer is yes. We’re ok. We’ve been so incredibly blessed to have such generous family members, offering and providing assistance when it has been needed. The first thing we did was to take a very honest look at our finances. I picked up some extra jobs to try to offset our loss in income. Mike was able to draw unemployment, which truly saved us. Financially things are on the mend.
What I find the most interesting about this experience is not how it’s changed our financial outlook, but what it’s taught me about myself, my husband, my marriage, my beliefs, and the people that matter the most to us. In the last year, I have found strength within myself that I never knew I had. I’m not saying that it’s all been “stiff upper lip”. There have been several tearful phone calls to my mom when I shared my fears and anxiety. When this first happened, I felt powerless and didn’t know how to proceed. I don’t typically handle the unexpected very well. I like to see what’s coming so I can be prepared, and all those years that I was single living my little predictable life, that was easy to do. Now, though, things were different. I had someone else to consider, a home to think about, and responsibilities. It was definitely scary, but I’ve learned an incredible lesson. There’s no way to predict what will happen. And even more importantly, I can handle what comes down the road. Having that confidence has done so much to help me get through the day and face the unknowns of the future. I’ve also learned to ask for help. I reprioritized my responsibilities so I could have more time and energy to focus on the most important things, and I asked for help when I needed it.
This experience has also had such an incredible impact on my marriage. Several weeks ago, I met a friend for lunch and we were talking about relationships. She asked me if Mike and I ever fight (which we don’t, really), and I found myself reflecting on our marriage. We get frustrated with each other at times, of course, but this experience has really brought us closer together. Every step of the way, we’ve turned to each other for support and understanding. After all, we’re in this together. We just celebrated our 4 year anniversary in May, so our marriage is still young. I think unemployment, like any major life-changing event, has the potential to destroy a weak relationship. Thankfully, though, in our case, we were able to communicate our way through the rough patches, naming our concerns and frustrations and working together to resolve them. Mike picked up more work around the house – cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. – while I worked nights and weekends. This last year has truly shown me what the partnership of marriage is all about, and I’m so incredibly grateful to have him as a partner.
Even with all of these positive impacts and changes, I think this last year of unemployment has really impacted my belief system the most. As I’ve discussed in previous blog posts, the last few years have found me on a spiritual quest of sorts. This last year, I feel a much stronger and clearer sense of who I am and what I believe. When money is tight, as it has been for us, there’s not much choice but to follow Buddha’s advice and live simply. It’s astounding to me how much pleasure I can get from sitting and watching a TV show with Mike or working together on a crossword puzzle in the living room on a Saturday night. We’ve enjoyed more dinners in with close friends, with great conversation and lots of laughs. This experience has also broken our “consumer spirit”, and we don’t feel the pull of materialism as much. That’s not to say we don’t dream of days when we can get that pergola installed in the backyard or replace Fred the Ford with a more reliable car, but it’s not the panicked frenzy we felt before. I’m grateful every day that we’re healthy, we’re happy, and we have an incredible support system.
As we forge ahead into August, Mike and I are hoping that a door opens for him. But in the meantime, we also are remembering to enjoy the journey with each other and find peace in the present.
Namaste.
I suppose I should back up and start by explaining a few things. My husband had been through layoffs before – several, in fact. Layoffs are part and parcel of working in the IT field, which he had done for years. He had always been able to find a new job quickly. His resume is impressive, and he has a very broad set of skills that make him very marketable. In fact, several of our friends had made jokes about how quickly he had always been able to find work.
I, on the other hand, was in unchartered territory. Being the child of teachers, we had been blessed with unparalleled job security while I was growing up. I don’t ever recall either of my parents being fearful of losing their jobs. As a teacher myself, I too had never had to face the grim reality of unemployment. While I wouldn’t necessarily say that I had led a charmed existence, I had never really had to struggle to get a job, and I had never been laid off.
After the initial shock wore off, we began a journey that has been incredibly difficult yet life-changing. While he still doesn’t have a job, my husband is searching every day. He’s applied for over 1200 jobs in the last year, he’s had a couple of interviews, and he’s been attending night classes at the local community college to strengthen his skills.
When most people ask about our situation, the first thing they want to know is if we’re doing ok financially. The short answer is yes. We’re ok. We’ve been so incredibly blessed to have such generous family members, offering and providing assistance when it has been needed. The first thing we did was to take a very honest look at our finances. I picked up some extra jobs to try to offset our loss in income. Mike was able to draw unemployment, which truly saved us. Financially things are on the mend.
What I find the most interesting about this experience is not how it’s changed our financial outlook, but what it’s taught me about myself, my husband, my marriage, my beliefs, and the people that matter the most to us. In the last year, I have found strength within myself that I never knew I had. I’m not saying that it’s all been “stiff upper lip”. There have been several tearful phone calls to my mom when I shared my fears and anxiety. When this first happened, I felt powerless and didn’t know how to proceed. I don’t typically handle the unexpected very well. I like to see what’s coming so I can be prepared, and all those years that I was single living my little predictable life, that was easy to do. Now, though, things were different. I had someone else to consider, a home to think about, and responsibilities. It was definitely scary, but I’ve learned an incredible lesson. There’s no way to predict what will happen. And even more importantly, I can handle what comes down the road. Having that confidence has done so much to help me get through the day and face the unknowns of the future. I’ve also learned to ask for help. I reprioritized my responsibilities so I could have more time and energy to focus on the most important things, and I asked for help when I needed it.
This experience has also had such an incredible impact on my marriage. Several weeks ago, I met a friend for lunch and we were talking about relationships. She asked me if Mike and I ever fight (which we don’t, really), and I found myself reflecting on our marriage. We get frustrated with each other at times, of course, but this experience has really brought us closer together. Every step of the way, we’ve turned to each other for support and understanding. After all, we’re in this together. We just celebrated our 4 year anniversary in May, so our marriage is still young. I think unemployment, like any major life-changing event, has the potential to destroy a weak relationship. Thankfully, though, in our case, we were able to communicate our way through the rough patches, naming our concerns and frustrations and working together to resolve them. Mike picked up more work around the house – cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. – while I worked nights and weekends. This last year has truly shown me what the partnership of marriage is all about, and I’m so incredibly grateful to have him as a partner.
Even with all of these positive impacts and changes, I think this last year of unemployment has really impacted my belief system the most. As I’ve discussed in previous blog posts, the last few years have found me on a spiritual quest of sorts. This last year, I feel a much stronger and clearer sense of who I am and what I believe. When money is tight, as it has been for us, there’s not much choice but to follow Buddha’s advice and live simply. It’s astounding to me how much pleasure I can get from sitting and watching a TV show with Mike or working together on a crossword puzzle in the living room on a Saturday night. We’ve enjoyed more dinners in with close friends, with great conversation and lots of laughs. This experience has also broken our “consumer spirit”, and we don’t feel the pull of materialism as much. That’s not to say we don’t dream of days when we can get that pergola installed in the backyard or replace Fred the Ford with a more reliable car, but it’s not the panicked frenzy we felt before. I’m grateful every day that we’re healthy, we’re happy, and we have an incredible support system.
As we forge ahead into August, Mike and I are hoping that a door opens for him. But in the meantime, we also are remembering to enjoy the journey with each other and find peace in the present.
Namaste.
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