Today's Moment of Zen

This morning we had a meeting at work to discuss - among other things - school finance. Topics on the agenda included an upcoming reduction in force and the fact that teachers won’t be getting raises. Add in a sure-fire increase in medical premiums, and I suppose I can actually look forward to making less next year than this year. Normally, this information would have incensed me. I would have left the meeting riled up and ready for a fight, yapping off the ears of anyone unfortunate enough to come in my path with my frustrations about not being taken seriously and the dangers to the public education system. While I’m certainly not at the point of apathy, I found myself filled with a certain level of calm. I immediately starting thinking…

“I have a job. It’s a secure job. Someone has to teach the kids. Mike has a job. We have health insurance. We have a roof over our heads. We have food to eat, clothes to wear, and people who love us.” Then I looked at my arms and actually wrapped one hand around my wrist, feeling the pulse beating just under the surface, and I remembered the most important piece of all…. “I’m alive.”

These are scary times. For many of us “young ‘uns” who haven’t had to deal with the drama of the economic turmoil in recent decades, the last 5-6 years have us running scared. But we’re strong. And we’re smart. We will get through this, and much, much more. I am learning about control, and I know that I can’t focus on things that I have no control over anymore. Life’s too short. So tonight, after I pay a couple of bills and look over our budget to make sure we’re in line with our financial goals, I’m going to turn off the computer and relax, take in a good workout with Mike, and watch a good movie before bed. I’m not going to be stressed or worried about things beyond my locus of control.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

#kickingsick

Image
The other day during a diversity training at work, we were asked to make a bubble map of all the different groups in which we see ourselves. Among terms like woman, wife, friend, teacher, and childfree was one word that seemed to jump out - sick . The colleague sitting next to me was my shoulder-partner for sharing time.  She looked over my paper, nodding gently as she read each word.  When her eyes fell upon that word, she paused and looked up at me.  "Do you really see yourself this way?"  Her finger hovered over the word. Her expression conveyed gentle curiosity without an ounce of judgment. At that moment, I realized that yes...I do see myself that way. She nodded slowly, and the training continued. Although nothing else was mentioned about that word that day, my mind has been circling around this concept of sickness. For the last thirteen years, a large percentage of my time has been spent diagnosing, treating, and managing chronic illness. At times when I f...
Read more

Catching Up....

I haven't blogged in a while, so it's definitely time to catch up. I just reread my last post, and I can tell that I was NOT in a good place then. I struggled to finish the school year, but with the help of my amazing friends and colleagues, I made it to the finish line. Unfortunately, just a few days after the last day of school, I crashed and burned. The Friday of the last week of school, June 10, I had what I call my "loopy day". Before then, I had had a few little episodes where I would be standing in the kitchen about to give myself insulin or take meds, and I would freeze. It's hard to describe, but it felt like I couldn't separate what was real from fantasy. I couldn't get my body to move. I would feel "stuck". I could usually get myself walking, and it would clear up, but driving was difficult, and I couldn't concentrate or focus on anything. On Friday morning, I got up and got ready for inservice for SIGS, but I was froze...
Read more

Just call me Pollyanna

I suppose I should begin this entry with some clever look back to 2011, or perhaps some insight into all that I've learned about myself in the last year. Or maybe some new resolutions. But that all feels so trite. So, here it is... Jan. 1, 2012... and I do feel that inherent sense of optimism that comes with the new year. But I also feel fear, dread, peace, and hope. It's an interesting blend of emotions. The last few weeks have brought some big changes in my medical journey. I've switched doctors and am taking all of my care to UT Southwestern now. Mike and I are slowly but surely digging our way out of the medical bill mountain, and my journey continues. Last week, I had my long-awaited meeting with the nutritionist at UTSW. It was WONDERFUL. There were a couple of things that became very clear: 1) The first nutritionist I saw almost a year ago was soooo off-base. She had told me to only eat 15 mg. of protein a day, which is darn near impossible. Turns ou...
Read more