It Takes a Village
This post is long overdue, but I finally found the words the other morning around 4 am. The medications make sleeping difficult at times, and I've been having a lot of issues with leg and muscle cramping at night. So lately, sleep has been a bit of an acrobatic event, with hourly shifting, leg movement, kicking, and walks around the bedroom to stretch my cramping arches, feet, calves, shins, thighs, and hands. Yesterday morning around 4 am, I woke up feeling really nauseous, light-headed, and in a lot of pain from my increased chemo meds. I curled up in the fetal position to try to stretch some muscles, and I had this incredible heavy feeling come over me. I felt so alone.
In the last few months, I have been anything BUT alone in this ordeal. I have so many loving friends and family members to support and care for me, but at that time - that lonely hour in the morning - laying there in pain - I was alone. I'm learning that chronic illness is a complex beast. It affects everyone around me - my husband, my family, my friends, my students, my colleagues. But ultimately, it's my body, and my disease, and it's mine alone. As I was laying there, I looked over at my husband Mike - who was thankfully still sound asleep - and my lonely heart began to fill with gratitude.
He and I have had to face a whole series of challenges in our short marriage - chronic illness, job layoffs, family illness. But he's been there by my side every step of the way. Like so many people, we knew that at some point, we'd have to step up and help each other. Those "in sickness and in health" vows really do mean something. But we never anticipated having to do that at this stage of the game - in our 30's! We never thought we'd lose the opportunity to have children. We never thought we'd be concerned with medical bills or the cost of dialysis and getting a transplant. But here we are. And through it all, Mike has been my prop and staff. He's held me up on days when I am a mess and can't pull myself together. He's comforted me during my bouts of "big ugly cries" and encouraged me to keep up the fight on days I feel weak. And, at a time when I feel SO incredibly unattractive with my moon face and thinning hair, he makes sure to tell me that I'm cute and beautiful every day. On days when I am feeling like a crazy woman and my moods are spiraling out of control, he helps ground me and recenter my focus, patiently waiting for the "roid rage" to pass. I'm so truly blessed to have him as my best friend, partner, and spouse.
My friends, family, and colleagues have been amazing as well. Yesterday, when it was clear that I was shaky and didn't feel well, I had so many colleagues come check on me, bringing me water and helping me with my classes. I have been so moved and inspired by the love and support that these incredible people have offered me, expecting nothing in return. I've worked at my school as a teacher for ten years, and in that decade, I've built some wonderful friendships. And laying in bed at 4 am yesterday, I was truly counting my blessings, grateful that I have all these wonderful people in my life.
We use the phrase "it takes a village" in education frequently. The old adage is so true because success with a student really requires an "all hands on deck" approach of teamwork and collaboration. I'm so grateful that I have my own personal village to help me fight this challenge. I can't imagine having to go this battle alone, single or away from family and friends. From my husband, who amazes me with his love, patience, and kindness every day, to my family, friends, and colleagues, I have been, and continue to be, blown away with everyone's love and support. I need it more than any of you probably realize, and it truly helps me keep my chin up in this fight. So, thank you. Thank you for the thoughts, the prayers, the cards, the meals, and the general "positive energy" you send my way. I feel every ounce of it, and I will never forget it. Much love and blessings to you all...
In the last few months, I have been anything BUT alone in this ordeal. I have so many loving friends and family members to support and care for me, but at that time - that lonely hour in the morning - laying there in pain - I was alone. I'm learning that chronic illness is a complex beast. It affects everyone around me - my husband, my family, my friends, my students, my colleagues. But ultimately, it's my body, and my disease, and it's mine alone. As I was laying there, I looked over at my husband Mike - who was thankfully still sound asleep - and my lonely heart began to fill with gratitude.
He and I have had to face a whole series of challenges in our short marriage - chronic illness, job layoffs, family illness. But he's been there by my side every step of the way. Like so many people, we knew that at some point, we'd have to step up and help each other. Those "in sickness and in health" vows really do mean something. But we never anticipated having to do that at this stage of the game - in our 30's! We never thought we'd lose the opportunity to have children. We never thought we'd be concerned with medical bills or the cost of dialysis and getting a transplant. But here we are. And through it all, Mike has been my prop and staff. He's held me up on days when I am a mess and can't pull myself together. He's comforted me during my bouts of "big ugly cries" and encouraged me to keep up the fight on days I feel weak. And, at a time when I feel SO incredibly unattractive with my moon face and thinning hair, he makes sure to tell me that I'm cute and beautiful every day. On days when I am feeling like a crazy woman and my moods are spiraling out of control, he helps ground me and recenter my focus, patiently waiting for the "roid rage" to pass. I'm so truly blessed to have him as my best friend, partner, and spouse.
My friends, family, and colleagues have been amazing as well. Yesterday, when it was clear that I was shaky and didn't feel well, I had so many colleagues come check on me, bringing me water and helping me with my classes. I have been so moved and inspired by the love and support that these incredible people have offered me, expecting nothing in return. I've worked at my school as a teacher for ten years, and in that decade, I've built some wonderful friendships. And laying in bed at 4 am yesterday, I was truly counting my blessings, grateful that I have all these wonderful people in my life.
We use the phrase "it takes a village" in education frequently. The old adage is so true because success with a student really requires an "all hands on deck" approach of teamwork and collaboration. I'm so grateful that I have my own personal village to help me fight this challenge. I can't imagine having to go this battle alone, single or away from family and friends. From my husband, who amazes me with his love, patience, and kindness every day, to my family, friends, and colleagues, I have been, and continue to be, blown away with everyone's love and support. I need it more than any of you probably realize, and it truly helps me keep my chin up in this fight. So, thank you. Thank you for the thoughts, the prayers, the cards, the meals, and the general "positive energy" you send my way. I feel every ounce of it, and I will never forget it. Much love and blessings to you all...
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