My Hair Journey
A while back I was cleaning out files on my computer. I came across several images chronicling my hair loss and regrowth. I posted them back-to-back with the hope of seeing the "whole journey". Man, what a journey that was.
I had always loved my hair. It was thick and had flickers of red in the sunlight. Growing up, it was one thing that people commented on about my physical appearance, and I would venture to say that it was my one source of vanity.
5/26/06 - Wedding Day
When my hair first started coming out, I was in the hospital. It had gotten thinner soon after I had started medication, but to someone like me, who had thick, thick, thick hair, it wasn't that big of a deal. My doctors said that it was "unlikely" that I would lose my hair entirely.
Enter Telogen Effluvium.
When I was hospitalized in the summer of 2011 with several serious infections (including cryptococcal meningitis), I began daily doses of the "scary" drug Amphotericin B (code-named Ampho-Terrible by the nurses). Among that drug's many, many side effects is hair loss.
I'd wake up to layers and layers of my hair spread evenly over the pillow. After I eventually got home from my 6 week long "vacation" at "Hotel Centennial," I noticed that more and more handfuls of hair kept falling out, especially in the shower.
When I'd ask about it, my docs would shrug and say, "Eh, it's to be expected. You've been through so much trauma. Your body went into shock, and all processes, including growing your hair, ceased." One doctor said, "It's as if you are a tree that has entered winter. You are simply shedding your leaves."
I'm sorry, but what???
For some reason, the spinal taps, kidney biopsies, central line placements, repeated CT scans and MRIs, and daily needle sticks didn't bother me as much as this one thing: losing my hair. It meant that now, I'd be seen as a "sick person" to others. Not that I wasn't seen that way before. I mean, come on. Here are my feet and ankles before my hospitalization. Um, yeah. That's not normal. Or comfortable.
6/2/11
So the next week, I asked my students how I should proceed. I explained the situation and took a vote. Do I...
a) shave it?
b) attempt to cover it up?
Their resounding answer was to - of course - SHAVE IT!
So, on to vote #2. If I shave it, should I...
a) get a wig?
b) wear scarves and hats?
They clearly voted for hats and scarves. I heard a chorus of cheers and advice:
"The wigs will look fake, Mrs. Penny."
Indeed it is!
"If you're gonna shave it, get a crazy colored fun wig! Like an afro! But bright blue or pink!"
Um... no. I'm no Nikki Minaj.
So the votes were in, and I bit the bullet. I stopped at a salon and asked my girl Bee to get rid of the whole mess. Off came the hair. That afternoon I walked into Wal-Mart to buy some scarves. The greeter gave me that "I'm so sorry you're sick" look, ducking his chin and smiling. As I made my way to the "women's accessories" department, I noticed a couple of kids turning and looking. I was still too self-conscious to go full-on chrome dome, so I put on a ball cap.
When it came time to check out, a gentleman in front of me looked at me and said, "Please ma'am, go right ahead of me." Now I'm not saying that his generosity was the direct result of my outward signs of illness and bald head, but I've nearly been bitten by another grown woman over a space in line at Wal-Mart before, so this was definitely out of character for the store's typical environment. I stepped up in line and offered him a genuine thank you. So far, this wasn't a bad gig.
10/7/11
As my hair continued to grow it, it changed texture and became fuzzy.
Then, it started developing this wave. It almost looked like finger waves. Kinda cool...
I had always loved my hair. It was thick and had flickers of red in the sunlight. Growing up, it was one thing that people commented on about my physical appearance, and I would venture to say that it was my one source of vanity.
5/26/06 - Wedding Day
Enter Telogen Effluvium.
When I was hospitalized in the summer of 2011 with several serious infections (including cryptococcal meningitis), I began daily doses of the "scary" drug Amphotericin B (code-named Ampho-Terrible by the nurses). Among that drug's many, many side effects is hair loss.
I'd wake up to layers and layers of my hair spread evenly over the pillow. After I eventually got home from my 6 week long "vacation" at "Hotel Centennial," I noticed that more and more handfuls of hair kept falling out, especially in the shower.
When I'd ask about it, my docs would shrug and say, "Eh, it's to be expected. You've been through so much trauma. Your body went into shock, and all processes, including growing your hair, ceased." One doctor said, "It's as if you are a tree that has entered winter. You are simply shedding your leaves."
I'm sorry, but what???
For some reason, the spinal taps, kidney biopsies, central line placements, repeated CT scans and MRIs, and daily needle sticks didn't bother me as much as this one thing: losing my hair. It meant that now, I'd be seen as a "sick person" to others. Not that I wasn't seen that way before. I mean, come on. Here are my feet and ankles before my hospitalization. Um, yeah. That's not normal. Or comfortable.
6/2/11
When I was in the hospital, I finally relented and took a picture of myself when I had swollen
EVERYTHING! I was taking 80 mg/day of
prednisone, losing hair like mad, and wearing a sassy hospital gown. Good times! I took this photo in my hospital room so I could send my dad a picture of me. It had been months since I'd been able to see him because I had CMV, and that could cause him to get VERY sick. Looking at this photo, my face just looks so painful! Horrible swelling.
6/11/11
Once I got back home, the shedding continued. I tried to hide it by pulling my hair up on the sides to cover my balding crown, and then I got a hair cut in the hopes that it could be camouflaged. Yeah. It didn't work.
9/10/11 – top of my head –
losing more hair. I tried to cover it up with a new haircut, but it didn't really work.
a) shave it?
b) attempt to cover it up?
Their resounding answer was to - of course - SHAVE IT!
So, on to vote #2. If I shave it, should I...
a) get a wig?
b) wear scarves and hats?
They clearly voted for hats and scarves. I heard a chorus of cheers and advice:
"The wigs will look fake, Mrs. Penny."
Agreed... and I can't afford the ones that don't look fake.
"Bald is beautiful!"Indeed it is!
"If you're gonna shave it, get a crazy colored fun wig! Like an afro! But bright blue or pink!"
Um... no. I'm no Nikki Minaj.
So the votes were in, and I bit the bullet. I stopped at a salon and asked my girl Bee to get rid of the whole mess. Off came the hair. That afternoon I walked into Wal-Mart to buy some scarves. The greeter gave me that "I'm so sorry you're sick" look, ducking his chin and smiling. As I made my way to the "women's accessories" department, I noticed a couple of kids turning and looking. I was still too self-conscious to go full-on chrome dome, so I put on a ball cap.
When it came time to check out, a gentleman in front of me looked at me and said, "Please ma'am, go right ahead of me." Now I'm not saying that his generosity was the direct result of my outward signs of illness and bald head, but I've nearly been bitten by another grown woman over a space in line at Wal-Mart before, so this was definitely out of character for the store's typical environment. I stepped up in line and offered him a genuine thank you. So far, this wasn't a bad gig.
10/7/11
Pretty soon I felt comfortable experimenting with different looks.
Here are a few of my favorites:
Side-tied scarf
But my favorite... au natural (at home, of course)
Now for the best part... the growing.
One great thing about losing your hair and then shaving it all off is that - when it starts to grow again - you can clearly see the little hairs popping up. It's a much more optimistic experience, rather than the pessimism of watching it all fall out. Even though it was growing in patchy, it was growing in! And my slick and bald spots were sprouting little baby hairs. So exciting!
My dad... being the amazing man he was... decided to shave his head in solidarity. When he came over for our early Thanksgiving potluck meal, he debuted his "new do." The two of us posed for a photo to show off our trim styles.
11/12/11 – Bald buddies. Love my dad.
As my hair continued to grow it, it changed texture and became fuzzy.
Then, it started developing this wave. It almost looked like finger waves. Kinda cool...
6/4/12 – Starting to look
more normal.
Now, I'm just waiting for all of the awkward sections to grow out. But I'll tell you one thing: I will never take my hair for granted again. Gone are the days where I torture my locks with dye and crazy hot tools. I'm glad it's back, and I'm going to take good, good care of it!
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